13 Real Chills

 

Eric:

My first memory of visiting the Tiki Room on one enchanted afternoon, everything was going so well. The birdies had their fling, we heard the flowers sing…. and then… then it all went very, very wrong. The gods that were perched high up the walls seemed to pose no threat at first. Despite their gleaming eyes and menacing grins, they were at least stationary and motionless. Yet with a sudden, theatrical pummeling of the drums, they exploded with life. Pounding away at their instruments at about the same rate as my heart beat, bobbing their heads back and forth; this was some serious high drama that I did NOT sign up for. Images of luau girls and sandy shores accented by a harmonious steel guitar were slashed instantaneously as ancient ghosts and bubbling volcanoes took their place in my mind. Oh. And then a crashing thunderstorm causes a blackout. Man, the 60’s really were turbulent.

 

Ginger:

Whether we were departing from glittering Fantasyland or taking off from kinetic Tomorrowland, there was one ominous mountain with an infamous – and VERY HUNGRY – resident that awaited our passing while riding The Skyway. And by meatballs, if we didn’t duck down in that little slow moving Skybucket and completely take cover while we passed through under his watch, the horrid abominable snowman would spot us instantly and lunge forward in an attempt to hang off of the side our your Skybucket. He would then reach inside with a furry claw to scoop us up by the lederhosen and eat us alive in front of everyone just to hear our bloodcurdling screams and watch our loved ones cry.  Oh yes, as children Eric and I were well versed in the roars of the Yeti, as they forewarned of this terror, and we learned at an early age to not only love the Skyway, but to respect the power of the Yeti. After the nightmares, of course. With an introduction like that, it took us each many years to actually ride the Matterhorn Bobsleds.  But why not see for yourself?

 

Eric:

My first memory of Pirates of the Caribbean is a loud, violent blast coming out of a cannon. That pretty much sums up the relationship between my childhood and this attraction. Prior to ever sailing with this motley crue, my introduction to them was a Disney Sing-A-Long in which the explosives dangling over your head at the finale are actually shot at and explode over an unlucky group of Disneyland guests. My inherit fear of guns aside, my larger worry was always that I was going to be the next victim of overhead ‘explosivo’. Needless to say, I didn’t embark on the Caribbean in my youth very often.

Ginger:

I was somehow born with a deep respect for death and the things that came before me. I believe it is at the root of most of my childhood (and adulthood) fears. Upon my first Disneyland visit, Pirates of the Caribbean knew how to tap into this fear by putting me into the same cavern as the steering Skeleton Ghost in Dead Man’s Grotto. I knew there was nothing more mysteriously spooky about this bony spector and I paid close attention to my new forever foe as I floated on by. This was the origin of how I discovered safety on the left side of my ride vehicle. As Pirates of the Caribbean is a perfect adventure of traveling back in time, it managed to stay my very favorite Disneyland attraction for most of my life, regardless of my steering skeleton fear. And in more recent times I’ve even been brave enough to give him an approving chin-nod for his new rain effect installment. Now THAT’S love.

Eric:
 When I was young, I hadn’t quite grasped the concept of Disneyland attractions being guided by tracks. The Imagineers had done an excellent job at illusions and emersion, accompanied by my overactive imagination. If there was a steering wheel, for all I knew our lives were dependent on my steering. There was a long period in my childhood where I avoided this attraction. I’d be damned (to hell) if I put my dad’s life and my own in jeopardy again after almost careening into a river and head first into a locomotive. In fact, by the time I was older all I could remember about the attraction was a train coming right at us. Blimey.

Ginger:

All I have to say is that as a child, a suit of armor almost fell on me and I was then sent to Hell by a demonic judge, where I was taunted by tiny demons.  And it was hot there too. Very hot. One excellent example of how Fantasyland is not just meant for kids.

    

          

Ginger:

Sure, all was silly and fun when you gave the Country Bears a sit down and listened to their Vacation Hoedown. Fun, that is, until the curtain on the main stage was drawn mid-show and revealed a moonless night sky instead of the cheery daytime setting that was there previously. I’m not sure if it was the Bears' phenomenal performance and lyrical content of the song ‘Ghost Riders in the Sky’, the strong and almost haunting harmonization of vocals or the thunder and lightening that concerned me the most. What I can say for sure though, is that during this scene in particular I felt exactly like the scared little cub scout that sat on stage with them during this performance and that someone needed to help him. Just not me. 

Eric:

Two words. 

Straight… 

down… 

To the Disneyland marketing team of 1989, I still hate you.

Ginger:

I don’t enjoy being terrorized by water and after dealing with the sad Cub Scout bear from the Country Bear Vacation Hoedown, I learned that sad-faced audio animatronics break my heart. The final scene before Splash Mountain’s drop encompasses all of these elements and I wear it like a “wet blanket”, so to speak. Also, due to my distaste of being splashed, it is because of this very ride that the sound of bees makes me extremely uneasy. It is still a bit of a struggle to get me on this ride and I bet if I had ever had the chance to take a seat for the magic of ‘America Sings’, convincing me would be almost impossible.

Eric:

When asked to name one thing I fear most, I usually say hippos. They’re enormous, slimy-looking, big-sharp-fanged beasts, and yet somehow beloved by most of the world. Whoever does PR for these creatures has done a fantastic job of tricking the mainstream into believing these monsters are sweet and cuddly.  BE INFORMED! Hippos are the deadliest African animals with a higher murder rate than crocs, lions, and bears… Oh my! To this day, if you see me on the Jungle Cruise going through the hippo pool, I’m probably tensed up, frozen in the center of the boat… if not, I’m likely zoned out playing that soothing Jungle Cruise boathouse 1930’s jazz in my head and thinking of happier times, like when we were only passing by harmless gun-toting gorillas. Make no mistake about it, I’m not afraid of the hippo pool because I don’t like hippos. I hate hippos because of the Jungle Cruise hippo pool. Not only did turning that back corner mean encountering these huge creeps with their bubbles and wiggles and gaping jaws, this also meant dealing with another antagonist of mine: guns. Yes, to add insult to injury, a gun fires in this scene. Twice. Not only did little 6-year old me have to curl his body into a ball, he had to cover his ears too. For the record though, I will defend keeping the guns on the Cruise ‘til my dying die! That day most likely being my next trip to Africa.

Eric:

The PeopleMover – may it rest in peace – was one of my favorite things to ride in the park. I don’t think I ever visited Disneyland from my birth until summer of ’97 that I didn’t embark on the PeopleMover. On many occasions, it was the first thing we ran to. However, there was one little problem with riding PeopleMover, just one little issue. It wasn’t the swiveling Storm Trooper with an attitude. It wasn’t the pitch black preview of Space Mountain. It was the Tron tunnel. It was loud, psychedelic, very successfully had you believing you were traveling at high speeds, and confusing as heck since I had never seen or heard of “Tron” as a kid. It was years before I realized this disorienting Game Grid was based on a movie. 5 years old was just way too young for me to experience my first drug trip.

 

Ginger:

If you turn to the right, you might accidentally fall off. Wait, you’re ok. Then you turn to the left and you might accidentally fall off again. And you alternate like this while you descend down some slippery leaves for a minute or two and then you’re safe. Sometimes I wonder if maybe it’s because I am a short person that I love being on the ground so much and then I remember childhood trauma like being on the outside tracks of this ride. If it weren’t for seeing those surprise caterpillar shoes everytime that sit on top of the mushroom, my memories would be a lot more troubled. And yet, I would give most anything to see these tracks in their original form once again. Ah, the way Disneyland has versed me in the art of love/hate!

Eric:

Dad (looking at Storybook Land): “How about we go on that?”

Me (age 2-12, seeing boats enter an angry whale’s gaping mouth): “NO.”

Ginger:

Just for the record, I couldn’t ever say or think anything negative about this incredible Disneyland monument and am nothing but enamored with my old, dear friend Monstro.

Eric:

The Haunted Mansion seems like a pretty obvious choice for childhood scares, but I always took delight in the macabre mischief of this Louisiana residency. While the more “genuine” or intentional scares of the manor may have tickled my fancy, my personal phobias and unshackled imagination never let me out the Exit sweat-free. The threat of being trapped in a room with “no windows and no doors” did not bode well for a young, impressionable first-timer prone to claustrophobia. I always sympathized with the Caretaker and Bride (not realizing she herself was dead… I mean, she used to scream!) and wanted so desperately to aid in their escape. Speaking of escape, when I was told a ghost would follow me home… I really wanted to believe that it wasn’t true. I really, really tried to tell myself that it was made-up. Nevertheless, without fail, I consistently found myself staring at the empty backseat of the car every ride home. One night I even shut the door behind me as fast as I could back at the house!

 

Ginger:

In my opinion, the left side of every DOOMbuggy should be worn thin by now from people scooting as far as they could to get away from that TERRIFYING AND HORRENDOUS red-eyed, and then green-faced, bride b**ch that used to live in the attic. And I do mean every run-on word of that.

 

Eric:
 It’s funny how selective my imagination could be when I was younger. I had no doubt that Mission to Mars was really taking us up into space. I wondered how they dried the exterior of the Enchanted Tiki Room so quickly after every rainstorm. And yet, I always knew that there was a real person under every Mickey Mouse mask. I somehow managed to not be duped into believing that those characters walking around the park were anything but people in costumes. So if any of them put their arms around me, it creeped me out to no end. (I was never a fan of mall Santas or Easter Bunnies either.) They were just masked strangers, akin to Jason or Michael Meyers. I didn’t know who they were, or what they were capable of. To this day I think that posing for a picture with these silent, overly-dressed actors is one of the most socially awkward situations imaginable.

Ginger:

Suspended in a tangled chaos of wires and cables, almost as if disembodied, the Supreme Leader undoubtedly has the “gift” of making the 5-year-old versions of Eric and me sit still in our seats while watching Tomorrowland’s Captain EO. When faced with her royal heinousness and her notable cuspidated fingers, the only life-saving tactic any desperate kids like us could do was nervously peek from beneath our 3D glasses while paralyzed in fear just to remind ourselves that she is only a screen projection…. for now.  We almost forgot that we would do this until EO was reopened in 2010 and we noticed the kids in this new generation doing it too. That hissing, shrilling voice, those terrible wide eyes, that nasty egocentric temperament, and most importantly… THOSE CLAWS that reach out to shish kebab your very soul would surely leave anyone unsettled upon first (and perhaps last!) encounter. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

(what scared YOU?)